Are We Letting Consumerism Plan Our Families?

6/20/17

I push the massive red cart through the aisles, joking apologetically to passersby about my ineptitude at navigating a spaceship. My three-year-old and one-year-old sit happily enjoying their free ride, chatting it up with one another, with me, with anyone who will listen, really.

We need diapers, so I maneuver carefully through the numerous baby aisles, passing a veritable mass of inventions, each almost identical to the last. For a brief moment, the normalcy of these aisles gives way to reality and I see the absurdity for what it is. I have to count them, I decide. 11 activity mats. 6 excersaucers.

Tossing a few (of the dozen) plush animals at my boys to buy myself some time, I move to the bouncers. Only four, I’m surprised to find, but they all look almost exactly the same: sleek and white, seemingly better suited for the Apple store than the baby aisle of Target; four variations of a product with almost no discernable difference between them.

My three-year-old cannot contain the stimulation any longer. “I want to buy something!” he yells.

Bingo, I think.


Most Christians would probably agree that America has a consumerism problem. Yet if we’re honest, most of us are also unwilling to do anything about it ourselves. We will sit and bemoan the state of a society that values things over relationships, monetary exchanges over natural pleasures, but we subconsciously feed into the epidemic all the time. We convince ourselves that a “want” is really a “need”, we see lack where there is abundance, and we spend money because it physiologically makes us feel good, though we rarely recognize it.

But perhaps most damaging of all: We let consumerism plan our families.

It has become common for happy young couples to wait years before marrying because they are convinced they simply cannot afford family life yet. Certainly, this can be a harmless decision, but let’s face it: it does no favors for those attempting chastity before marriage. Waiting years in an intimate relationship to consummate the intimacy already in one’s heart is no easy task, and all too often becomes one tossed aside in frustration.

But a bigger problem, and one we’re seeing increasingly more frequently are couples in committed marriages postponing having children for years because they don’t feel financially prepared. And can we blame them? Articles like this one claim it costs $12,000 to see a baby through his first year of life, $230,000 to see Junior into adulthood. Who could help but balk at figures like that?

Yet all over the world parents are managing to raise happy, well-adjusted children at a fraction of those numbers, and almost all of our grandparents did as well. Ah, the argument might go, but in our time and place, cost of living is simply much higher. And to an extent that is certainly true: Childbirth itself costs much more than it did 60 years ago, and most American parents plan to save something for their children’s college education. These are valid expenses, absolutely.

But much more impactful may be the thousands of smaller choices between birth and college. With their first walk-through of a big box store’s baby section, parents-to-be may quickly become convinced they’ll need to renovate a new wing of the house to accommodate all the “necessary” gear. Get Chip and Joanna on the phone, stat! And it only continues as that baby grows under the roof of parents who feel they have no option but to keep up with the Joneses. They literally see no other way.


The goal of marketing is to make us feel a lack when in reality there is none. (If there were, we would know: Humans are incredibly attuned when it comes to identifying our vital material needs and seeking to meet them.) And we are never more terrified of lack than when it comes to our children; a noble instinct, but in our modern society, a sorely misdirected one.

If a young married couple believes that before they can bring a baby into the family they must be able to provide a closet full of stylish clothes, the newest playthings, a restaurant’s worth of feeding supplies, and every popular Mommy & Me class in town, they will struggle mightily to embrace a truly pro-life mentality.

And if that’s true of the young marrieds, how much truer is it of those unmarried and facing unplanned pregnancies? When bearing the weight of choice in a culture that tells them they have not “earned” the right to be parents yet, how many feel doomed before they even begin?

We need to support those in crisis pregnancies with programs like the Gabriel Project and local Christian pregnancy centers, to be sure. But have we underestimated the extent to which rejecting a culture of consumerism might change the trajectory of a baby’s life? If we as faithful Christians embraced lifestyles of radical simplicity, might it pave the way for young people to believe that relationships are not built on bank accounts?


One thing I’ve found by now, as I prepare to bring our fourth child into the family, is that babies need far less than our culture tries to convince us of. Quite frankly they are often most happy with less, as parents unable to rely on things are more free to engage in truly bonding activities that help their children thrive. This is a secret many parents of large families wise up to over the years, but it’s a tough sell to convince a first-timer that less is more.

If more of us lived out voluntary simplicity, spoke openly about our tight budgets, and joyfully invited young people into our homes rich in love anyway, perhaps our culture (even if only first within the Church) might become more pro-life. Maybe instead of communicating the message “you don’t have enough to do this”, we could instead communicate, “you are enough to do this”.

And maybe, just maybe we would see more young people made brave against the sneers of society, bolstered by our cheering them on to choose people over things. Every time.

Summer Book List 2017

6/9/17


Hey guys, remember when I promised to roll out a hefty new series on Catholic Social Teaching - while simultaneously moving halfway across the country to rejoin an intentional community, taking on a new part-time job, and welcoming a surprise pregnancy? How absolutely precious of me.

So, yeah. That series is running a bit behind. But I thought I'd hop on, wave hi, and throw some book recs your way for those long summer days ahead! We are due to arrive in Texas on Tuesday and are up to our ears in cardboard boxes as I type. Odds are you'll have a more productive reading season than I, so share your recs in the comments or on FB!

Amazon links are affiliates and help support our house of hospitality at no extra cost to you. And for those who don't know, anything you buy after clicking through my link goes to our credit- it doesn't even have to be the item I recommended. Thanks for thinking of us when you shop!

Just Finished Reading:




This is the kind of delicious novel that you devour in three days. It follows the stories of two women; one a white lawyer in modern-day New York, the other a black slave in 1850s Virginia. The long lasting impacts of slavery are explored here in an accessible way, bringing home again the shocking implications of the foundations of our country. Historical fiction at it's finest.



Currently Reading:




I'm a total sucker for classic literature with a child protagonist (think: To Kill a Mockingbird). This one is a rich coming-of-age story with excellent character development and descriptions. It's not exactly a page-turner, but if you're appreciative of thoughtful, exploratory writing I think you'll dig it. I am always refreshed by seeing the world through the eyes of a child.



Big Father Martin fan here, so my interest was piqued when I saw his spiritual memoir at the library. Coincidentally, it follows the same format that the book in my head does- one that maybe will see the light of day in the next five years. I'm always moved to witness how the faith of the saints and other spiritual mothers and fathers inform the way we live out our personal Christian devotion today. The Body of Christ is a powerful thing.




Sigh, Walter Brueggemann, why aren't you my friendly neighborhood surrogate uncle? If y'all are not familiar with Brueggemann remedy that quick. Most of his tutelage comes to me through husband osmosis, but I'm reading this one cover to cover myself. (And the other authors are great too! Wink.) This is a topic I'm passionate about and think many of you will love it too.



Will Be Reading:



Has everyone else on the planet read this one by now? I'm way behind here but have heard only good things and am determined to tackle it this summer. If you've read it already, was there anything that took you by surprise?



Eric's Reading:



A few chapters into this book and Eric was telling me it's a must-read for me as a mother of boys, so I definitely hope to get my hands on it one day, even if it's not this summer. Neither of us are huge fans of the Wild At Heart kind of men's books, not that there isn't good stuff in there, but because the model is really not inclusive of all types of males. Adam's Return, in contrast, examines the male initiation rites around the world that Rohr has spent half his life studying, and draws conclusions about the needs and desires of manhood and men's relationship to Creator and Creation in light of them. Eric highly recommends it.



Kids Are Reading:




My bigger boys are in stitches over the Pigeon series of books by Mo Willems these days. It's not necessarily impressive academics, but sometimes it's nice to just see your kiddos cracking up as they pore over a picture book. (And they're fun for parents to read too!)

Linking up with Modern Mrs. Darcy for Quick Lit!

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It's about time for another monthly newsletter update, and thank you to those who took the time to fill out the quick survey last month- your feedback was so helpful! If you'd like to sign up for these more personal notes, you can do so here. I'm excited to tell you All The Things after our big move next week! See you then!

The Dignity of the Human Person

5/18/17

This is the second post in a series of eight exploring Catholic Social Teaching. Affiliate links are used for recommended resources in this post.

Genesis 1:27 
 God created humankind in His own image 

You might see the idea talked about in its Latin form, "imago Dei". I love that we have a succinct way of expressing a reality so complex and mysterious.

In the Compendium of the Social Doctrine of the Church, the "imago Dei" is explained like this: “the human individual possesses the dignity of a person, who is not just something, but someone. He is capable of self-knowledge, of self-possession and of freely giving himself and entering into communion with other persons. (108)"

Simply put, God our Creator took some of the most beautiful parts of Himself and placed them within each one of us. Every human being has dignity because every human being has been made in the image of God. Dignity is not a right that can be earned or lost by our life choices.

By the way, the Compendium of the Social Doctrine of the Church was released by the Pontifical Council for Justice and Peace in 2004 under the authority of Pope John Paul II. If you're unfamiliar with the workings of the Catholic Church, this basically means that the Compendium is official and universal Catholic teaching. It's not just a fringe group that blows their social justice trumpet to the annoyance of everyone else. This is for and representative of all Catholics.

(I simply cannot move forward without begging you to buy a copy of the Compendium. If you are Catholic, this needs to be right up there on your bookshelf beside your Catechism. If you are a non-Catholic Christian, you will be encouraged and equipped with extensive language to articulate your Gospel-shaped social convictions to others. The Compendium is not just a feel-good religious book; it holds up in academic settings. Get your hands on this thing, guys.)


"A just society can become a reality only when it is based on the respect of the transcendent dignity of the human person... It is necessary to 'consider every neighbor without exception as another self, taking into account first of all his life and the means necessary for living it with dignity.' Every political, economic, social, scientific and cultural programme must be inspired by the awareness of the primacy of each human being over society."  (Compendium of the Social Doctrine of the Church, 132, emphasis mine)

I think it's fair to say a just society is what we all want. Maybe we could all even agree that the foundation of such a society would have to be the inherent dignity of the human person. But the idea of considering every neighbor WITHOUT EXCEPTION as another self- that's where it starts getting uncomfortable, isn't it?

I mean sure, in Mark 12:31 Jesus said the most important commandment- after loving God- was to love your neighbor as yourself. But we all know what He meant. He meant the neighbors who have earned their dignity, earned their respect. The ones who act in a way that makes middle-class Americans feel comfortable. Surely Jesus doesn't expect us to consider the undocumented immigrant taking our jobs as another self. Surely He doesn't think we'll be able to see ourselves in the black teenage boy who shouldn't have mouthed off to the authority figure in the first place. Surely Jesus meant that I love the neighbor who reminds me most of myself.

What if maybe, maybe, Jesus meant exactly what He said? What if, like the Compendium articulates, I am called to consider every single one of my "neighbors" (i.e. people I share the earth with) as another self? Not called to be nice to them, not called to make donations to them, but called to truly believe that they belong to me, and I to them?


Going back to the above quote, what could it mean to take into account not just the worth of my neighbor's life, but equally important, "the means necessary for living it with dignity"? That's the part that will get us.

Let me paint you a picture.

I was born to parents who were not wealthy, and whose own families had their share of financial struggles through the years. But both of their families of origin were white in Mississippi, so even without a cushioned bank account, they enjoyed a basic level of respect and privilege within their communities that their neighbors of color did not receive. My parents were both first generation college graduates, but while not college educated, my grandparents all worked stable jobs and owned their homes (this was made astronomically easier by the fact that the generations before them had legal right to own property. In their state, as you know, this was not a historical given.)

By the time I went to college, my nuclear family was upper middle class. Both of my parents worked at a Christian university so I got free tuition. I was given a brand new car the Christmas before I graduated- the exact make and model I had asked for. I can tell you right now I did NOT live out my first few college years "with dignity", but there was no systematic injustice to blame. I was just an immature idiot.

I had been through a high performing public school and knew how to succeed, so I grabbed my Bachelor's degree with hardly breaking a sweat. I married right after college graduation, to a man also from a stable two-parent, financially cushioned family, and we began our life together.


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“With due respect for the autonomy and culture of every nation, we must never forget that the planet belongs to all mankind and is meant for all mankind; the mere fact that some people are born in places with fewer resources or less development does not justify the fact that they are living with less dignity.”  (Pope Francis, Evangeli Gaudium)

Everything about the background of my life set me up to be treated with dignity by our society.

But had my parents, growing up in the deep South in the 1960s, happened to have been born with a different color skin, do you think my own story would have unfolded the same way? We both know the answer to that.

Had my parents been born Mexican citizens, grew terrified for my safety in a city riddled with drug cartel and violence, took the risk of moving to a new country without the finances, education, or language to succeed in it, and tried to piece together a life for me here, would I be in a respected position in our society?

I could go on and on but I'll stop because you get the point.

If creating a just society means working towards a system where every human being has the means necessary for living their life with dignity, how do we move towards that? It's a complicated topic to be sure, but I believe there is an easy place to start.

We love our neighbors as ourself.

That means we consider our neighbor when we make decisions for our own lives. We seek to understand systematic injustices that keep certain people down and boost other people up. We befriend those who make us uncomfortable. We offer our money if it helps, sure, but mostly we offer our butts in chairs.

We sit and we listen. We sit and we become the learners, not the instructors. We sit and we become the weak, not the mighty. We sit and simply be with people. We get to learn that we aren't the saviors. There may be a time for action that comes, but for a good long while we sit down and shut up. We listen to the marginalized, we listen to our neighbors. We have our butts in chairs.

And while we listen, we honor the image of God in our neighbor.



Peter Maurin is one of the most radical and lovely Catholics that I've had the honor of becoming familiar with post-humously. Dorothy Day often credited (or some say, blamed) him for starting the Catholic Worker movement, but as he was more of an odd duck and less of a charismatic leader than Dorothy, his place in history has been rather muted. I feel pretty certain he's a saint.

In her autobiography The Long Loneliness, Dorothy Day describes Peter in a way that I believe epitomizes Jesus' desire for how we would relate to the other. Living up to this description would be a worthy life goal for all of us; imagine how differently the world would see Christians then.

“{Peter} did not begin by tearing down, or by painting so intense a picture of misery and injustice that you burned to change the world. Instead, he aroused in you a sense of your own capacities for work, for accomplishment. He made you feel that you and all men had great and generous hearts with which to love God. If you once recognized this fact in yourself you would expect and find it in others. It was seeing Christ in others, loving the Christ you saw in others. Greater than this, it was having faith in the Christ in others without being able to see Him. Blessed is he that believes without seeing.”
(If you've been around long enough you may remember I've quoted part of that before. It moves me like nothing else can.) 

Peter's contribution to Catholic Social Thought remains largely through Dorothy's extensive writings about him in her books and journals, as he wasn't the prolific writer that she was. She even wrote a book entirely about him that I haven't read yet but still feel confident in recommending to you.

His own writings were short and sweet and came to be known as "easy essays". They are compiled on the Catholic Worker website, and here is an example:

1. To give and not to take
    that is what makes man human.
 2. To serve and not to rule
    that is what makes man human.
 3. To help and not to crush
    that is what makes man human.
 4. To nourish and not to devour
    that is what makes man human.
 5. And if need be
    to die and not to live
    that is what makes man human.
 6. Ideals and not deals
    that is what makes man human.
 7. Creed and not greed
    that is what makes man human.

To nourish and not devour.

May we live our lives in such a way towards all.

May we be willing to be corrected, able to be changed, and open to being wrong.

May we honor the dignity of the human person in every neighbor we encounter.


Thanks for joining me for this series. You can read the post before this one here and stay tuned for the next one, the call to family, community, and participation, in the next two weeks.





Discovering the Power of Catholic Social Teaching (even if you're not Catholic... and even if you are)

5/3/17

this post contains affiliate links as recommended resources on the topic at hand

One thing that drew me to the Catholic Church four years ago was the firmly established social teaching. From papal encyclicals (that’s a fancy word for formal writings of a pope to the universal Church) to bishops’ letters, and culminating in the massive Compendium of the Social Doctrine of the Church, I was enamored with how steeped this tradition is in a deeply intellectual pursuit of an understanding and embodiment of God’s intent for the human person.

There has been so much written (over the past 130 years in particular) that seven defined principles have emerged in Catholic Social Teaching. They are:
  1. dignity of the human person
  2. call to family, community, and participation
  3. rights and responsibilities
  4. a preferential option for and with people who are poor
  5. the dignity of work and the rights of workers
  6. solidarity
  7. care for God’s creation
But Catholicism, as they say, is a big tent and although I have found many Catholics to be informed and passionate on these issues, it’s fair to say that most I encounter are somewhat oblivious to the crucial implications of them. There is still so much work to be done in educating our own baptized on these principles.


Jesus Christ came with a social Gospel. Whether or not we are comfortable with that frankly doesn’t matter. One simply cannot read the accounts of His life on earth and come to any other conclusion. He did speak of life after death, certainly, and of spiritual disciplines, an intimate relationship with God, and the importance of sharing the faith with others – but his concern for the systematic treatment of human beings and the social structures that we function in can’t be overstated.

The Good News isn’t just spiritual, far from it. The Good News carries radical and often uncomfortable social implications that challenge us Americans to our very individualistic cores. Your salvation is not just between you and God. Your salvation involves your fellow man. It was always meant to be this way.

For many of us, it can be hard to begin putting abstract concepts into practice in our daily lives. There are so many needs in the world and so many complexities that muddy the waters of important social issues. We can be duped into thinking the justice stuff is just not our “calling” or our particular brand of Christianity. We are sorely, tragically mistaken; but we’re not without hope.


Over the next couple of months, I’m going to be undertaking a study of Catholic Social Teaching here at the blog, taking it principle by principle, citing noteworthy sources, digging up Scripture, recommending modern resources, and bringing it all home to a practical application that will affect our daily lives. (And yes, I say “our” intentionally, because this is just as much for my benefit as for yours.)

But maybe you’re not Catholic. (If I’m proud of anything about this blog, it’s that it is a wide-open space. All people of goodwill are welcome here, Catholic or Protestant, Christian or non, and I love how united we find ourselves on the things that matter most.)

If you’re not Catholic, you might be thinking what the heck do I care about papal encyclicals and letters from bishops? Well as with so many things, the Catholic Church does a fantastic job of preserving universally traditional Christian teaching here. All of my life my dad (a Baptist theologian) always said, “all truth is God’s truth”, meaning we can extract Divine instruction from even unlikely sources. If Catholic Social Teaching is an unlikely source for you, I encourage you to stick with this series and see if you don’t find something beautiful in it.


I’m excited to explore these topics with you guys and wish I could promise to faithfully deliver a post in this series once a week for seven weeks, but life isn’t quite as predictable as that. If you’re new here (hi, welcome!), my family of five is preparing to move back to Texas in June to rejoin a Catholic Worker- a decision that you can read about here. So while I’d much rather be hacking at these keys and poring over the Compendium, life is demanding cardboard boxes and insurance changes.

So no promises about when in the next two weeks it will be published, but the first principle we’ll tackle will be the dignity of the human person. Such a good one. I’m thinking Jean Vanier and Peter Maurin will be making appearances.

And in the meantime, I’m sending out a monthly newsletter this weekend so sign up if you’d like! These typically include a little more personal writing, recommendations for things to be reading or listening to that pique the social consciousness, and sometimes we do really awesome book giveaways. When you sign up you get a heart-stealing printable of a Dorothy Day quote made by Erica at Be a Heart Design. So that in and of itself is reason enough to join us.

I’m thankful you’re here and honored to get to walk through these seven principles with you. Thanks for being my people.
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Someday, the light will shine like a sun through my skin & they will say, 'what have you done with your life?' & though there are many moments I think I'll remember, in the end, I will be proud to say, I was one of us.

(Brian Andreas, Storypeople)

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