One for the Books


Last weekend, with my parents and brother Kris in town, I bore witness to THEE most hilarious and unfortunate "life with kids" moment that I've personally seen to date.

And because the universe is a good, good place... the victim was my brother.

I mean, just look at him:

Young and wild and free, with no one's poop to clean up and no rising at 5 am.  IT WAS HIS TIME, people.

*   *   *

While showering in the boys' bathroom Kris picks up a little travel sized bottle of Dr. Bronner's soap  from the edge of the tub, squirts some of the liquid onto a washcloth and scrub a dub dubbs.  Overcome with disgust over the putrid smell, he thinks to himself, "what the hell kind of hippie soap IS this?!?  They actually use this stuff??"

Not possessing the wherewithal to exit the shower with such a stench, he does the whole drill over again with shampoo. (He'll be thankful for that in time.)


He remembers the event after a busy day and suddenly feels an unexplicable urge to have someone agree with him that my "natural living" tendencies have gone way, way too far with this stuff.  So he grabs the bottle from the bathroom and brings it in to the living room where my mom is sitting.

Kris: Mom, smell this hippie soap Shannon's got in the bathroom.  I can't believe she uses this stuff.

Mom: (connecting dots and starting to laugh) Did you use it?

Kris: Yeah but it was revolting.

Mom: Alyosha told me yesterday that he peed in that bottle.  But I didn't believe him.


Kris: (trying again)  $*@$%#*@!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Kris: Alyosha, you peed in that soap bottle! That's disgusting! I bathed in that, man!

Aly: (eyes widening) You did?!?!

Kris: Yes! You can't do that man, it's disgusting!

Aly: But it's not disgusting.  My mom makes pea soup and it's really good!

Someday, the light will shine like a sun through my skin & they will say, 'what have you done with your life?' & though there are many moments I think I'll remember, in the end, I will be proud to say, I was one of us.

(Brian Andreas, Storypeople)